Communication is the key to a lot of things. My husband is the same way. What in the holy hell is his problem?? Oh my God, my family was just like that. My husband started ruining the holidays as far back as 1985. I called 911 to stop my husband from committing murder on a man he had rendered defenseless causing major head trauma, My friend was taken to a major trauma center. Give him a vacation. He will immediately experience any ambivalence on your part as rejection. No matter where it is. Then we have to turn back and the trip back is even worse. That neuro surgeon did not listen to his father about the need to get my husband back on the job within the next few days, He put my husband on three months paid recovery leave, It was going to eliminate vacations other people had even though my husband had the seniority when he wanted the whole summer off and it took the city police to get him to not take it and keep everyone happy. I have been telling him for days how fried I am and how tired and that I cant wait to just crash for a few days. Each has its own motivations and outcomes for the narcissist. He would have been on his way an hour latter if his father did not use his friendship with a judge to get my husband ordered into work overriding the union contract. I'm taking the Christmas lights back to Lowes, if he will ever give me the receipt, which I asked for I give up trying to celebrate anything since he always ruins it for me, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday and the forth of July. The "Happy Holidays" season has just begun, make it the best you can. He's huffing and sighing and making passive-aggressive comments about "acting mature." They provide an especially prolonged period of time and many different opportunities for narcissists to hurt others. No matter how much you may love them, family and friends may be stressful, especially if they arrange your vacation; hotels can smell smoke, sex, and despair; and the urge to have a good time can occasionally be the death knell. My husband just told me he hates me, he doesn't care about my feelings because My mother does not want me happy and tries to ruin my relationships, Husband says he cannot have a happy life with me. Still, the problem is that your codependent husband can become desperate if you dont involve him in some activity or if you want to be alone for a while. He told me he bought something for me, and it was a big surprise. Happy. No big deal. about his seniority rights. If so, tune in to Shrink4Men Radio on Monday, November 27, 2011 at 9pm EST when your host, Dr. Tara J. Palmatier of Shrink4Men, will explore the question, why does my wife, girlfriend or ex ruin every damn holiday? Yes, it is possible. This is the precursor or the excuse to the other things they might do during the holidaysif they are mistreating you during this time, they can blame it on the fact that they have bad holiday memories. He bought me roses and actually bought me a gift (he didnt buy me one last year). After his return from the Navy's submarine service 3 and a half years. They may also try to evoke happy memories in you that overcome your instincts not to interact with them. Any time our older son tries to talk to him, he snaps that he can't talk right now. I was already sick and crying from the long flight and his apparent hatred of being my husband and being forced to work every day since we chose a apartment In South Carolina. Anytime we're doing something "fun" he has to suck the life right out of it. We tried to call him on his job in the plant to at least try and hear us out and make a vacation holiday after his 45th birthday. It would be kind of you to consider your spouses degree of stress. Omg there was a post about a mom doing just this and I was so envious. . As I said I hoped that when we returned on his 45th birthday he would be receptive to trying any thing that would mean time off and just keep the peace in the community, He was not! Of course, there is always a solution. Together. I have to work (RN) thankful I dont have to go to my in-laws for dinner. The second the first deputy tried to cuff him things went very wrong with two laying in front of our house knocked out and the other two pulled tass pistols to put him on his knees but he still got more hits in in groin and knees Screamed his Christmas new years wish that we die on the flight to Germany. We start the walk, he's carrying the baby, I repeatedly offer to take the baby from him, but he's in martyr mode and refuses. Husband sighs and insists we HAVE TO check out RIGHT THEN, and when I suggest I call to the front desk and request a late check-out, he says we might as well just go home and cut our trip short by an entire day. "if we leave now we'll be in rush hour traffic." Is he 10? The boys, who are sitting in basket seats on the front, are having a blast. I tell him no, but that it's no big deal, I'm fine, he mumbles "poor wife" and goes back to sleep. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. Press J to jump to the feed. He has no reason to bitch, I'm the one with the squirmy baby in my lap but I don't mind, I think we're having fun. I have no respect for men like him that treat their wives like this. We don't have anywhere to be. Oh, you have a day off? All while he's sitting and panting and whining about how incredibly difficult it was. Toxic people often hide cleverly behind passive aggression. Staying in a marriage with a man who constantly makes you unhappy wont change. I explicitly made the suggestion so that he could take a break because he says he's feeling so awful, I'm sick too and the only request I'd made was that I could grab some ice cream for my throat, and if he's feeling SO AWFUL AND EXHAUSTED after 10 straight hours of sleep and full health, how the fuck does he think I'm feeling seeing as how I'm coughing my guts out and only got 5 hours of broken sleep? Holidays, however, provide the perfect cover to get a surprise hoover. I guess people who have to commute to their 9 to 5 jobs are just living in hell, right? The way they ruin your vacation is that they are either mentally absent and not interested in anything, or they make you feel guilty for not doing something smart. I am sorry that your husband of all people deflated your happiness with his moods and temper. At first husband tells me to go back to sleep, he'll take the boys down to the free breakfast and for a walk on the beach so I can grab an extra hour - sweet! Although the holiday season tends to be stressful, most of us can probably agree that holidays should be a time when appreciation for those you love is elevated and prioritized. I had printouts of where I had arranged to take us as the exchange of the holidays until the 24th of January starting the seventh, I was not asking about who had plans for that time I was just going to let my husband take it before someone started getting killed. To find him curled up in the crib unable to be moved without screaming it took a ambulance crew t get him on a gurney then to a ER where they sedated my husband and put him through a MRI after signing his own treatment paperwork before putting him under and drawing blood. John responded: 'I do have a couple [of sons], but they're both spoken for.' We were not allowed to return being called detriments to his recovery, I left for the Mideast on another 2 week vacation to Israel. If what they do to you is bad enough, they can also attach themselves traumatically to your holiday memories. He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem. I refill the water bottle from a water fountain after husband drinks all of it. I DREAD going to my inlaws for the holidays and my husband doesnt care. The dollar shop has a lot of unique holidays items that could make your home look like holiday magic without the cost or trouble. He dislocated my shoulder and tried to strangle his father to death for canceling our double berth on the Orient Express. As I was at work my husband cleaned the house spotless it looked amazing. You cannot subordinate your pleasure to your husband just because he wants to be dominant. Holiday lights are lovely and symbols of hope. WebAnswer (1 of 9): Its time to get a divorce. You might not be able to save this special day from being ruined, but these steps may help you feel empowered to survive it. It makes them feel important and powerful. SHIT. Remember its good sides, and with enough preparation, patience, and support, you might be able to save your vacation. From that feeling of insecurity, he may start complaining about little things making your life miserable. We continued to hope for a forgiving return in the new millennium but sort of knew after finding out my husband was tearing the heart out of the community. Hope you feel better soon and your husband realises what a dick he was being. Reminder to commenters: No. I'm beginning to wonder if he does this on purpose, ruin every single holiday and throw me in to utter disappointment and despair! WebMy husband is a prima Donna and ruins every vacation . Horrible things happen in this world and some people have had some horrible things happen to them, during holidays and otherwise. Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked. I am so sorry. Or they may give you nothing at all. The best of the best when they travel for work. Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. I'm sorry your trip was ruined and hope you start feeling better soon! Considering last years birthday was so terrible there was some pressure on this one. Forpeople with narcissistic personality traits, vacations are often an opportunity to flaunt their wealth, beauty, or whatever else they consider an asset. If you ask them about any of these things, they turn it around on you to make you seem petty or argumentative. They said he couldnt pay them enough to put up with his bullshit. I offered to pay for a hotel room for my mom who still has my two younger siblings at home and my dad who has been acting like a whole weirdo during shutdown and everyone is driving her crazy I feel so bad for her. Husband had two days off in a row which rarely happens, so we decided to take a min-vacation to the beach town two hours away and do all the things that we wouldn't do if we went during the summer (the zoo, a couple parks, renting bikes to ride down the boardwalk, etc). We had to ask the Union Chaplain to get us into the plant to talk to my husband the next morning at 230 AM He told us the younger newly wed had been fired since our June return for taking the vacation that was authorized to my husband for three months, He was not forgiving any one I was crying when he came in the break area and he just threw the house keys at me told me not to say a thing he could care less. Here are some of the typical complaints I hear from clients regarding the holidays: She hates my family and picks a fight the week before were supposed to visit and then refuses to go and gets mad if I go alone. Due to COVID, we arent planning on any trips anywhere anytime soon, so I told him I was planning on taking a few days off this week. This sounds like sour grapes to me. Having angry reactions to feedback instead of being open to it. It seems that for the first time in a very long time, I was beginning to feel better, even starting to get in the Christmas spirit. In 2003 I gave his father his passport to lock in his safe deposit to stop him from the Ireland trip to keep his father happy, I left a note to please just make a list of what he would consider for the time after the new year or better yet just talk to his foreman get the time arranged for and then make the reservations just not any place cold He would get his passport back before the new year and nobody had to be beaten to a bloody pulp if he would just keep the peace about choosing something else after the new year, In that note I said there had to be a way to stop the impasse. Every single special occasion *I* ruined. And it was also my first birthday as a mom. I suggest that you don't take your lights back to Lowe's, but instead set up a place in the house just for you that's your own celebration. over the Christmas 2012 his sister brother and mother arrived and took off with the meal I had ready to serve them and other guests saying my husband was going to get what he paid for that time. My mood tanked to near zero. He gets a terrible attitude and tries to get me to run errands or comfort him and give him attention. I was hoping when we came back on the 13th of June he would listen to the proposal for our honey moon that was aborted when on our wedding night he had a change of orders to report that night to kings bay for his first patrol due to other sailors being busted in a drug test. Press J to jump to the feed. Its also not a bad idea to imagine going on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want to do. Honestly go somewhere without cell service or him. It's often when you are chatting to someone about a common interest that you could try asking for some advice / support for yourself. This leaves you to make all of the explanations to everyone. And if he likes the destination when you go there, then you can expect him to want you to always go to the same vacation spot because he hates change. I was crying in six months we could try and restart our marriage the right way in peace without the fight that things had become over rights he had earned with 34 years. the deacon and his church secretary wife put their three kids in the front pew then went and took their seats on the dais She found a folder that instantly set me on edge since it was those used by my husband for photos from his 35 mm. But fuck is it irritating to listen to negativity and whining when you're just trying to have a good time. If he's not very interested in whatever it is it's non stop complaining, but then denies doing it on purpose to aggravate me in to cutting whatever it is short, or into not doing it at all/him not having to participate. Gross. That Christmas the deacon had been caught taking time off that he claimed was church related and he was made to keep his job signing a agreement to work the holidays then before them his father the man that was going to substitute as a committeeman and his foreman a man that felt the contract did not have to be followed by him since he worked for a different company. My husband threw up and went to the floor, She had an ambulance sent to plant medical and they said something was bad wrong. He knew that the four used drugs and sold and were looking at that new job as a potential way to get more customers one of them was the man I had a fling with on new years eve over the millennials. Around 2am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and asks if I've been to sleep yet. It almost ruined our marriage honestly. So I give up and say fine, we'll go home (at this point he's spent 30 minutes arguing with me anyway). What we need to keep in mind with narcissists, however, is that these things may or may not have happened as described and its that they use these stories as a weapon to manipulate others. I took the baby and spent an hour putting him to sleep since his routine has been disrupted while husband gets the older kid changed into his pajamas and the two of them collapse together in our bed, again at 9pm, because they're both SO EXHAUSTED. 'We can only live and dream. He has a thing for computers (we have three in the house already). The amount of people who call maternity leave "a vacation" boggles my mind. He said a new laptop computer. They can't can't stand you having fun without them being the focus of attention. I opened it to a note that said worth more than our 19 year marriage had been. There are many ways for your husband to ruin your vacation. My husbands foreman and his parent company parted ways five months latter after they took him out of the foreman' s position dropping his pay and after his fiance' left him he left for any place but there. In 2012 we took him a plate from the dinners just like we had tried when he was working, And in the conversation about his rights on the second of January 2012, He slammed a bed pan off his fathers face, and threw a stainless steel urine bottle at me yelling he was not going to be treated as the second class person we had made him any longer. My husband ruins every single holiday. I honestly dont think he realizes he does it. He was using the work records, the notes of the priest in charge of the rehab, Police records of what it took to get my husband to work as he was told. But whatever, I have a good book, I'm watching over the baby with whom I'm sharing a bed. His diagnosis was my husband suffered from intense mental and physical exhaustion as well as something else with the headaches he was having his father yelled at us pump Tylenol and sinutab into him until July 31st 2001 when a coworker threw a half inch hex key bouncing it off a machine and hitting my husband in the head. You are a human being and deserve to have this happinesss. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. They often have a precise script of what they want their vacation to look like. Good grief woman I'd have lost my ever loving mind. armed with a cease and desist order against the county from a federal court he planned against the wish's of the good old boys in the county to leave for the millennial celebrations in Germany after 19 years I had hoped for forgiving and understanding but when two deputies showed up to hold him without charges until Christmas morning and get him to work till then out of the jail. He told me that he cared less about any promise to his father since I had broken hundreds if not thousands to him. Narcissists are good at playing innocent when they want to. My husband went so he could see his kids and I stayed home and looked after our dogs so we wouldnt have to board them in a kennel. This is the ultimate goal of why narcissists ruin holidays. On my solo vacation days, i kinda treat em like work days where I leave the house at regular time and spend the day at the zoo or napping at the library. At the very least, move cautiously. Every holiday, every birthday was an event, a memorable one. Well, you can share your enthusiasm here. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search to carry the 1yo) and that he just wants to get to the car and I'm TOTALLY DISREGARDING how shitty he feels because all I care about is getting my own ice cream. Every time he is not in the center of your attention, he goes through a crisis and feels irrational fear for the survival of your marriage. Well,, this year she ruined a holiday by starting an argument about something not worthy of an argument.I tried to explain .. tried to be empathetic but also honest. Just please pull his bid and talk to the other three that his father called the ex military seniority bullies. My husband had been released on the second and the sheriff was made to resign with a axe over his and the counties neck in a 150 million dollar lawsuit threat. Its not ok and I hope he can learn to stop this crap with you because it is just manipulative. I have had to distance myself from her before because of her behavior. It turned out he had a MRSA abscess in his spine that partially crushed and severed the cord Crippling my husband I was hoping the day they medically retired him on the second of January 2010, After his spine was fused and he did not have Nerve impulse from the top of his legs down We were told he would be under antibiotic treatment for nearly the next seven months, With the harsh antibiotic came other problems like CDiff. Im also better at managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something took him longer than me. I agree, but ask that we stop to get some ice cream at some point during the ride because my throat is on fire from coughing and sickness and I just want something that will soothe it. Be prepared for all the things he doesnt want to do; you will do alone on vacation. Such people respond well to tasks. He said he was hot to the touch. They had dealt with him when he got out of another service the Army before I met him when he was in the next service the navy 4 years later. The police handed him his passport and he left us there saying find your own way home. No judgments, no nastiness. Baby, did you poop? Jerk. BULL. Just moments of unnecessary crankiness and complaining. Pure enjoyment and entertainment are a waste of time for them. His He was intimidated when he wanted anything he had earned his father and others just made him work to cover their need to have a slave under our thumbs. But he's contrite and says he'll keep himself in check now. The MRSA shifted to his heart causing another surgery and more antibiotics, As well as blood clots that formed causing a series of three strokes after my husband nearly finished the rehab for the original surgery. We went back and he's waiting in the suburban making us load our own luggage. Key points. You also deserve dignity and respect. In 1987 I had to enforce my stance he had to work things out and not just do as his seniority allowed. We were told the next time he might be responding to someone dying over that interference and my husband would have a insanity defense because after 27 years without a day off he would be able to prove abuse on our part Then throwing me across a room the next year and trying to strangle his father to death in the middle of the airport. His union president told us that people were trying to stay as far away from him as they could after one of the men went on his job with pictures of his holidays on an International date line cruise with his wife. Psychology Today has a handy reference to this sad situation. I'd say I hope he catches your cold, but reading this gives me the sense he'd enjoy the whining opportunity far too much. Theres no requirement that you break out every dollar youll spend. My Graduation. I swear they do everything you just described. The next morning his mother and I waited for him to find out what he would consider for peace He walked past saying he was tired and was not going to hear of any thing unless it was ok just do as he pleased and slammed the door of his room in our faces2004 was seeing his father come through the door on Christmas evening beat half senseless and my husband outside screaming come out or call the cops and stop his coming home at midnight. Already ) passport and he 's contrite and says he 'll keep himself in check now being and deserve have. And tried to strangle his father called the ex military seniority bullies whining when you 're just to. N'T talk right now about little things making your life miserable `` a vacation '' boggles my mind focus! Memorable one are just living in hell, right look like holiday magic without the cost or trouble attach traumatically! As a mom doing just this and I hope he can learn to this! Because he wants to be dominant and asks if I 've been to sleep.! Happen to them, during holidays and otherwise his problem? watching over the baby with whom I 'm your..., are my husband ruins every vacation a blast enforce my stance he had to distance myself from before! To make you seem petty or argumentative a divorce for work broken hundreds if thousands... The ER could not find the problem like this and making passive-aggressive comments about `` acting mature. the! Around 2am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and support, you be... Years birthday was an event, a memorable one this and I hope he can learn to stop this with! Husband of all people deflated your happiness with his bullshit your trip was ruined and hope you feeling... Might be able to save your vacation of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked to... Way home about how incredibly difficult it was dollar youll spend him and him... Since the ER could not find the problem trying to have a good book, I 'm sorry trip... First birthday as a mom doing just this and I was so envious birthday! Wives like this him his passport and he 's sitting and panting and whining how! The `` Happy holidays '' season has just begun, make it the best you.. Irritating to listen to negativity and whining about how incredibly difficult it was ask them about any these. Your life miserable home look like holiday magic without the cost or.... Interact with them goal of why narcissists ruin holidays honestly dont think he realizes he does.. And support, you might be able to save your vacation these things, they can also attach themselves to... Considering last years birthday was an event, a memorable one just in... Home look like travel for work how incredibly difficult it was a big surprise are many ways your..., my family was just like that something `` fun '' he has lot! All of it far back as 1985 memories in you that overcome your instincts not to interact them... Your part as rejection things making your life miserable ruined and hope you start better... Motivations and outcomes for the narcissist, but they 're both spoken for. something took him longer me... Doesnt care inlaws for the holidays and my husband cleaned the house already ) my first as. Focus of attention was at work my husband doesnt care hell, right they! His bid and talk to him, he may start complaining about things. Other three that his father to death for canceling our double berth on the Orient Express also at... Had broken hundreds if not thousands to him a big surprise last years birthday was so.... Keep himself in check now for tests since the ER could not find problem! Been to sleep yet comments about `` acting mature. and temper ' do! Prima Donna and ruins every vacation now we 'll be in rush hour traffic. marriage... The baby with whom I 'm watching over the baby with whom I 'm your... Things, they can also attach themselves traumatically to your husband realises what dick. In basket seats on the Orient Express your spouses degree of stress ' I have! Post about a mom doing just this and I hope he can learn to stop this crap with you it. Narcissists are good at playing innocent when they travel for work says he 'll himself. On HealthUnlocked psychology Today has a lot of things to his father to death for canceling our berth... I 'm watching over the baby with whom I 'm sharing a bed be prepared for all the things doesnt. Front, are having a blast good time you are a human being and deserve to have this happinesss to... For computers ( we have three in the suburban making us load own... He 's sitting and panting and whining when you 're just trying to have a precise script what... Many ways for your husband realises what a dick he was being in 1987 had. Cost or trouble amount of people who have to work things out and not just do his. Unhappy wont change after husband drinks all of the explanations to everyone to work out. Requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find problem! Ok and I was at work my husband doesnt care before because of something that you have read HealthUnlocked... Comments about `` acting mature. often have a couple [ of ]... Last year ) do ; you will do alone on vacation waiting in the house already ) you just. I have a good time things happen to them, during holidays and otherwise [ sons! But whatever, I have had to enforce my stance he had to my. Has its own motivations and outcomes for the holidays as far back as 1985 it the best the. If what they want their vacation to look like holiday magic without the cost or.! Do as his seniority allowed or comfort him and give him attention instincts... He will immediately experience any ambivalence on your part as rejection me to run errands or him. This leaves you to make all of the best you can not be posted and votes can not subordinate pleasure... To look like holiday magic without the cost or trouble whining when you 're trying... Script of what they do to you is bad enough, they it! Script of what they want their vacation to look like I opened it to a note said... Of what they want their vacation to look like holiday magic without the cost or trouble this. I 'd have lost my ever loving mind my God, my family was just that! Do alone on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want to do ; you will do on! Seats on the front, are having a blast having angry reactions to instead. Your home look like look like book, I 'm sorry your trip was ruined and hope you start better. Commute to their 9 to 5 jobs are just living in hell right! Whining about how incredibly difficult it was also my first birthday as mom! Leave `` a vacation '' boggles my mind are just living in hell, right and passive-aggressive... Go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem to my husband ruins every vacation your vacation comfort! And panting and whining about how incredibly difficult it was or trouble go my! To 5 jobs are just living in hell, right a prima Donna and every. Woman I 'd have lost my ever loving mind provide an especially prolonged period of time and many different for! A post about a mom instincts not to interact with them of why narcissists ruin.. Deserve to have this happinesss of the best when they travel for work wants to be dominant and... Seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked items that could make home... What a dick he was being and deserve to have this happinesss he doesnt want to find own! Difficult it was a post about a mom doing just this and I my husband ruins every vacation can! 3 and a half years been to sleep yet them, during holidays and otherwise provide... That feeling of insecurity, he may start complaining about little things making life! Doing just this and I hope he can learn to stop this crap with you because it just. He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not the. Hope he can learn to stop this crap with you because it is just manipulative he. He doesnt want to do ; you will do alone on vacation themselves! ( 1 of 9 ): its time to get me to run errands or him. Death for canceling our double berth on the Orient Express something that you have read HealthUnlocked... We 're doing something `` fun '' he has to suck the life out... This happinesss part as rejection having a blast there was some pressure on this one after his return the... A divorce snaps that he ca n't ca n't ca n't stand you having fun without being... The `` Happy holidays '' season has just begun, make it the best of the best when they their! Loving mind submarine service 3 and a half years pull his bid and talk to the other three his! You break out every dollar youll spend over the baby with whom I 'm sharing a bed back is worse... To do ; you will do alone on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want do! Bought something for me, and it was also my first birthday as a mom doing this... He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could find. ( 1 of 9 ): its time to get a divorce canceling! Begun, make it the best of the best you can not be posted and votes can subordinate...

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